Our three children share a bedroom. That’s right; all three in one room. I was reading somewhere on the interwebs (and I cannot think where now for the life of me – if you read it too, let me know please so I can link it) about a family who was just starting the whole room sharing business, and were looking for some tips.
Hannah and Meg have been sharing a bedroom since Meg was 7 months old – so just over 7 years. Our house in the mountains had three small rooms, so we popped the two of them in the same room, and kept a spare one. When Toby came along, we decided to put him in his own room once he was sleeping through the night (well sort of), mainly because there wasn’t enough room in the girls room for him.
When we moved to the farm, we inherited two very large bedrooms, and a very small third bedroom that was off the back veranda. It seemed logical to put all three kids in the larger room, near ours. The third room became a guest room/ store room for my teaching gear. So all three have been sharing for three and a half years now.
For us the greatest benefit has been the closeness between the three siblings. There are countless nights where all three kids have been lying in bed chatting away for half an hour before they drop off to sleep. They really are each other’s best buddies. No matter what the disagreements have been that day, once they are in bed, they are happy to be with each other.
Of course there is the added benefit of a guest room for our frequent visitors.
So down to some practicalities, here is how we manage some of the issues that can arise when kids share bedrooms:
Day sleeps
All three kids are now (unfortunately) past the day sleep phase. When we had two doing day sleeps, we’d usually put the older child to sleep in our bed. This was particularly important when their sleep times weren’t in sync. The older child quickly got used to this system, and it was never an issue.
These days, I enforce read and relax during school holidays, and sometimes even on weekends. I let them choose whether to do it in their bedroom, or on the spare room beds. Even when all three are in the one room, they know that they are expected to read quietly and independently and they do so.
Personal space and belongings.
Our kids are fortunate to have a separate play room, so toys are not kept in the bedroom (with the exception of a Teddy or two). The girls each have their own cupboard with drawers and a shelf. They keep their ‘precious’ personal belonging in their cupboard (think special headbands, craft creations, pocket money etc). Toby does not have a place in the bedroom for his own belongings yet, though it is on the list of things to do as he gets older. His clothes are kept in a chest of drawers, and we have a basket of books for him to read on top of the drawers.
So far as personal space goes, none of the kids particularly seem to want more than they have. Perhaps having lots of room outdoors and in the rest of the house is enough for them at the moment. I can see the time coming, where Hannah (10 years old) will be less happy to share with Toby (4 years), but at this stage they are happy to share.
Different bedtimes, and keeping each other awake.
These days, Toby has a slightly earlier bedtime (7.30pm) than the girls (8.00pm). About two years ago, we found that Hannah was just not tired enough to sleep at 7.30pm and would keep the others awake with her antics. By keeping her up half an hour later (usually to read), we found that they all settled better. These days both Hannah, and Meg stay up till 8.00pm. We have family bible time at 7.20pm (most nights), by which time all the kids are bathed, and in pyjamas ready for bed. Once Toby goes to bed, the girls read a novel in the loungeroom. It’s a really nice way to wind down for the day. At 8.00pm the girls head into their room. They don’t need to turn the overhead light on to hop into bed.
Sometimes Toby is still awake, and the three of them will chat to each other for a little while. If it gets too boisterous, or goes for too long, CB or I will just go to the door and tell them it is quiet time now. In rare cases (I can’t remember when I last did it) I may sit in the doorway for 10 minutes to enforce quiet until they drop off.
Furniture arrangements
We have one set of bunks that the girls share, with Hannah on the top. It is the bane of my existence to change the sheets, and the girls struggle to make their beds properly, but it is a definite space saver. Toby has his own single bed on the opposite side of the room. Besides the beds, there is only Toby’s chest of drawers, and a large Ikea modular wardrobe which holds all the girls clothes, plus a whole lot of storage for guest linen, hand me down clothing, and other bits and pieces. I have heard of other families trying to make sure that the kids can not see each other when they lie down, but we haven’t had to do this.
Overall, having our kids share a bedroom has been a really positive thing for our family. The closeness and friendship between our kids has far outweighed any problems that have popped up. The issues that did arise we have managed to solve. We have been able to have a guest room ready for house guests, making the whole process a lot easier. With a house renovation on the horizon, we will be gaining a fourth bedroom. Hannah has said that she would like her own room, when the time comes, but both Meg and Toby are keen to keep sharing for a while yet, for which I am very glad.
Do you have kids that share a bedroom? Have you had any problems? What has worked for your family?
Great post, thanks.
Our two (5 and 3) have shared since the youngest was about 8 months – it’s been great overall! Like you, I think it definitely helps foster their relationship. They are very close and seem to be becoming each other’s best buddy 🙂 and I do have a sense that that is a lot to do with sharing a room.
I think having to share a room has so many benefits for the kids. Not sure how we will go now that Hannah is getting older.
My kids all have their own rooms now but they have shared in the past with mixed results. My two eldest (boy & girl 18 months apart) shared when we had a small 3 bed house which let us have a study/toy/spare room. It worked at times but as they are both on the autism spectrum they really needed their own space. When our youngest came along the spare room became a nursery/study and when my daughter started sleeping through the night we moved her older sister in with her to give my eldest son some space. Sometimes I think about getting the girls to share again but my eldest daughter does so much better when she has her own space. I love seeing that a shared sleeping arrangement is working for your kids and that it is fostering a sense of closeness between them.
i shared a room with my brothers for many years. and up until a few months ago, my 2 children( Miss 5 and master 2) shared a room. they currently have their own rooms but i wouldn't hesitate to combined their rooms again.
I should check those out. I loathe sheet changing day!
Jo I just checked out those zip sheets … And if you haven’t bought any yet I noticed they have a ‘Boxing Day ‘ sale on up to 40% off… Might help the budget.
Thanks 🙂
We had 4 kids in a 3 bed house so sharing was the only option for us growing up.
Yup! All 4 in together for the last 4 years that we have lived here overseas. Has been wonderful for them on so many levels – they have really grown so much closer together, share a lot better as they are used to sharing space, talk to each other much more, care for each other more (helping with clothes, getting in and out of bed, cups of water etc) and its great for bedtime routine. They all go in at about 7:3ish with reading lamps on. Smaller kids drop off to sleep, content that the older siblings are nearby, while the big kids read on for another 1/2-1 hour. Highly recommend it. Only catch is now as our eldest just turned 12 and is growing up more, we are noticing the need for his own personal space, a little bit of a break from always being in a room with the younger ones, or some days, its his sisters in particular! We re about to move, and going to try a boys room and a girls room! We'll see…..
If you plan to use the bunks for a longer period of time, may I suggest Kids Zip Sheets, they make it so easy to make the bed for bunks and beds close to the wall, we got these for my little girls and they proudly make their beds each day. The added bonus, they don't kick their sheets off during the night. My friend Carla, a QLD mum designed these after a camping trip and then found they were perfect at home, we only have the one set each so I simply wash and place straight back onto the bed. http://kidszipsheets.com.au/
I remember when I was a kid (One of four), I had to share a room with my sister. We were a family of six living in a 3 bed/1 bath house. I detested it! It even got to the point where we had masking tape separating each side of the room. We're best mates now of course!
These days, I wouldn't hesitate to do it to my children. I only have one child for now but if there is another, I think they will share a room. My niece and nephew have shared a room successfully for four years and a friend of mine said all her little boy wanted for Christmas was to share a room with his sister.
There seem to be so many benefits. I especially like the sibling closeness and conversation, and a spare room when you have a small house.