A few weeks ago Toby announced that “Boys stay at home, while girls go to work”. At first I was surprised at this statement. Then he explained “Well Daddy, Pa, and Me are boys and we stay at home. You, and Hannah, and Meg, and Nana are girls and you all go to school (my MIL works at the girls school).”
We all had a bit of a laugh because in Toby’s world (if not everywhere else) this is just how it is. Country Boy, and his father both work on the farm, and while they both work incredibly hard, I don’t think Toby really considers it work because he is with them and having fun.
Even before we moved back to the farm, Country Boy was the stay at home parent, while I worked outside the home.
There is no great agenda behind why we do what we do. We knew we wanted some one to be at home with the kids, at least while they were little. Being a teacher, my hours are family friendly, and the pay is relatively good. Country Boy used to work for a large production nursery where he worked long hours (in the Spring I rarely saw him), and a lot of weekends. On top of that he earned a lot less than I did. Me being the one in paid work was really a no brainer for us, even if it did cause a few raised eyebrows among our acquaintances when we first announced our plans.
Nine years later, it still works. Country Boy loves being at home and fits any farm work around the needs of our family. I still (mostly) enjoy working, though I some times wish I could work part time only.
What I want my kids to learn from our decisions is not that boys do one thing, and girls do another or that mum and dad are a bit rebellious (ha – as if) or unusual. I want them to know that both their parents love each other, and them, and we have made choices that are the best for our family. I want them to know that we both work hard, whether it be paid or otherwise, for the benefit of our whole family. Neither of us could do what we do without the support of the other, and that what works for us, doesn’t necessarily work for other families.
So after we finished laughing, that is what I told them.
Jo I reckon this just shows that the only reason stereotypes exist is because it's the way we perceive our world. We do what works for us and our family and if that's a stereotype (or not!), so be it. x
My girls have decided Dad can not brush hair. He tries so hard to get this, but still has had little luck!
My girls would agree too! He will do their hair if I'm not around, but they often head off with slightly wonky pigtails.I think it is purely a practice thing – having had long hair as a kid, I know how to do it.
My favourite post I've read all week (and I've just been trawling through a lot of blogs) – what a wonderful example you're setting 🙂
Thanks!
Our lives through the eyes of our kids can really open up our own can't they?
I know – it is always hilarious and scary when they play "mums and dads" because they channel me, and then I go 'Oh no – do I really sound like THAT???"
I love your explanation – we too have made choices that are the best for our family , we both work hard, whether it be paid or otherwise (more otherwise at the moment), for the benefit of our family
I made a joke the other day about Daddy staying home and looking after our daughter (3) and Mummy would go to work instead. My daughter thought it was hilarious, telling me "But Mummy, you're not a boy!" Well, I was quite shocked, but as in your example, it makes sense in their minds, as that's what they see. I certainly set her straight though 😉
He's a lucky boy x
We had a similar conversation not too long ago. We have the situation where my husband works full time in IT and I work a 9 x 5 hour day fortnight. This is an absolute luxury for us, but in reality, it was an economic decision too. Any extra I might earn working full time, would in turn be paid for both before and after school care. Also, the kids would miss out on after school sport and other activities, which would in turn become an over scheduled weekend. My Son had overheard some former school friends (twins who have left the school, not the friendship) saying that "our Mum works harder than all of your Mums because she works full time". In the few minutes of stunned silence that followed from me, my husband set both our kids straight (explaining the reasons and consequences of our decisions). It's nice to see that there is innocence in your boys observations and that the school ground politics have not yet crept in – I envy that.
It really does come down to teaching our kids that most families make the best choices these. All families should be allowed to make the best choices for their situation without having to justify it constantly. I did have to giggle that Toby's stereotype of how a family works is almost the complete opposite of the rest of society. I think it will be good for all 3 of our kids in the future to know that they don't have to conform.