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Sterotype

A few weeks ago Toby announced that “Boys stay at home, while girls go to work”. At first I was surprised at this statement. Then he explained “Well Daddy, Pa, and Me are boys and we stay at home. You, and Hannah, and Meg, and Nana are girls and you all go to school (my MIL works at the girls school).”

We all had a bit of a laugh because in Toby’s world (if not everywhere else) this is just how it is. Country Boy, and his father both work on the farm, and while they both work incredibly hard, I don’t think Toby really considers it work because he is with them and having fun.

Even before we moved back to the farm, Country Boy was the stay at home parent, while I worked outside the home.

There is no great agenda behind why we do what we do. We knew we wanted some one to be at home with the kids, at least while they were little.  Being a teacher, my hours are family friendly, and the pay is relatively good. Country Boy used to work for a large production nursery where he worked long hours (in the Spring I rarely saw him), and a lot of weekends. On top of that he earned a lot less than I did. Me being the one in paid work was really a no brainer for us, even if it did cause a few raised eyebrows among our acquaintances when we first announced our plans.

Nine years later, it still works. Country Boy loves being at home and fits any farm work around the needs of our family. I still (mostly) enjoy working, though I some times wish I could work part time only.

What I want my kids to learn from our decisions is not that boys do one thing, and girls do another or that mum and dad are a bit rebellious (ha – as if) or unusual. I want them to know that both their parents love each other, and them, and we have made choices that are the best for our family. I want them to know that we both work hard, whether it be paid or otherwise, for the benefit of our whole family. Neither of us could do what  we do without the support of the other, and that what works for us, doesn’t necessarily work for other families.

So after we finished laughing, that is what I told them.

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Previous Post: « Garden Share – June 2014
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Bron Maxabella says

    July 9, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    Jo I reckon this just shows that the only reason stereotypes exist is because it's the way we perceive our world. We do what works for us and our family and if that's a stereotype (or not!), so be it. x

    Reply
  2. Claire Hewitt says

    July 4, 2014 at 11:39 am

    My girls have decided Dad can not brush hair. He tries so hard to get this, but still has had little luck!

    Reply
    • Jo says

      July 4, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      My girls would agree too! He will do their hair if I'm not around, but they often head off with slightly wonky pigtails.I think it is purely a practice thing – having had long hair as a kid, I know how to do it.

      Reply
  3. Samantha Turnbull says

    July 4, 2014 at 11:12 am

    My favourite post I've read all week (and I've just been trawling through a lot of blogs) – what a wonderful example you're setting 🙂

    Reply
    • Jo says

      July 4, 2014 at 1:50 pm

      Thanks!

      Reply
  4. Jodi Gibson says

    July 4, 2014 at 10:59 am

    Our lives through the eyes of our kids can really open up our own can't they?

    Reply
    • Jo says

      July 4, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      I know – it is always hilarious and scary when they play "mums and dads" because they channel me, and then I go 'Oh no – do I really sound like THAT???"

      Reply
  5. ♥.Trish.♥ Drumboys says

    July 4, 2014 at 10:20 am

    I love your explanation – we too have made choices that are the best for our family , we both work hard, whether it be paid or otherwise (more otherwise at the moment), for the benefit of our family

    Reply
  6. Jane @ The Hesitant Housewife says

    July 4, 2014 at 11:29 am

    I made a joke the other day about Daddy staying home and looking after our daughter (3) and Mummy would go to work instead. My daughter thought it was hilarious, telling me "But Mummy, you're not a boy!" Well, I was quite shocked, but as in your example, it makes sense in their minds, as that's what they see. I certainly set her straight though 😉

    Reply
  7. Rae Hilhorst says

    July 1, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    He's a lucky boy x

    Reply
  8. Anonymous says

    June 30, 2014 at 10:24 pm

    We had a similar conversation not too long ago. We have the situation where my husband works full time in IT and I work a 9 x 5 hour day fortnight. This is an absolute luxury for us, but in reality, it was an economic decision too. Any extra I might earn working full time, would in turn be paid for both before and after school care. Also, the kids would miss out on after school sport and other activities, which would in turn become an over scheduled weekend. My Son had overheard some former school friends (twins who have left the school, not the friendship) saying that "our Mum works harder than all of your Mums because she works full time". In the few minutes of stunned silence that followed from me, my husband set both our kids straight (explaining the reasons and consequences of our decisions). It's nice to see that there is innocence in your boys observations and that the school ground politics have not yet crept in – I envy that.

    Reply
    • Jo says

      July 1, 2014 at 11:48 am

      It really does come down to teaching our kids that most families make the best choices these. All families should be allowed to make the best choices for their situation without having to justify it constantly. I did have to giggle that Toby's stereotype of how a family works is almost the complete opposite of the rest of society. I think it will be good for all 3 of our kids in the future to know that they don't have to conform.

      Reply

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Hi, I’m Jo

I'm a city girl turned farmer's wife, school teacher, ideas woman, and mum to three country kids. Country Life Experiment is all about simple country living, growing and making our own food, and life on our family farm in rural Australia. Join me as I give country living a try. Read more...
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A lovely, easy Christmas with family, good food, a A lovely, easy Christmas with family, good food, a few presents, an afternoon swim and dinner on the veranda as the sun set. Time to stop and be thankful for the many blessings of the year. I hope you had a lovely Christmas too!
We have been mulling over how to fix up the drivew We have been mulling over how to fix up the driveway and lead up to our house for a while. Currently it’s just a dumping ground for old bits of metal and a big pile of mulch, but C would like to create a turning area and put in a garden. First up though, there’s a huge old stump that needs to go. What better excuse is there to have a fire on Sunday afternoon? C and the kids jumped on the quad bike and trailer, and hauled back a big pile of sticks and logs to help the stump burn. Once the fire was going, marshmallows were found and roasted. No better way to spend time together.
Team work makes the dream work. We were asked rec Team work makes the dream work. 
We were asked recently whether we “make” our kids work on the farm. The answer is of course not. Having said that, all three love to help out whenever they can. They all work hard because they want to; because they take pride in working hard and contributing in a meaningful way to our family life; because they love living on our farm and don’t remember life before we moved here. Whether it be planting trees or doing sheep work or feeding animals, they all want to be involved. As a parent, nothing is better than watching them grow in skill and confidence as they work along side you. We’re so glad that we get to spend time with our three, working together.
We’ve had an unexpected addition to the family ☘️🐑. She is a lot easier to look after than the other family members but she does try to escape her yard and head butt people. Poddy lambs are super cute but they tend to think they are a human. Clover the lamb is sure that Meg is her mum. Can’t think why… 🤔🤣
The perfect way to end a long winter weekend: toge The perfect way to end a long winter weekend: together, cooking damper around the remains of the bonfire.
It’s been a tough few weeks on the farm. We got It’s been a tough few weeks on the farm. We got through shearing without a hitch (thankfully 🙏) but we’ve had a run of the flu followed by Covid run through the family since then. The kids and I have tested positive (this is my second time getting it 🦠) though so far C has managed to avoid it. There has been a lot of lying on the couch feeling pretty ordinary. Han had to reschedule her driving test for a 4th time due to Covid, which is disappointing for her because she wants her freedom and for us because it would be so much more convenient if she could drive herself places. Just to add in to the mix, our hot water system has chosen now as a good time to die so we’re on cold showers until we’re all out of iso. This is not meant to be a whinging post but sometimes life just sucks a bit and it’s good to be real. Fortunately, the sight of the fire going with a stack of wood next to it cheers us up. Things will improve soon. Onwards we go…

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Hi, I’m Jo

City girl turned farmer's wife, school teacher, ideas woman, and mum to three country kids. Country Life Experiment is all about simple country living, growing and making our own food, and life on our family farm in rural Australia. Join me as I give country living a try. Read more...
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