It occurred to me recently that I have been a bit negligent as a parent of late. Not in a forgetting to feed/clothe/love them kind of way (you don’t need to call DOCS quite yet), but I have been putting my short term convenience ahead of my kids learning skills to help them become independent.
This epiphany came to me when Meg asked me to tie up the drawstring bow on her school pants. “Can’t you tie a bow?” I asked (though really what was I expecting since I hadn’t taught her) “then who ties up the strings after you have been to the toilet?” It turns out that she had got her teacher or Hannah to do it for her. I’m sure her teacher is really impressed about that one!
At the same time, I’ve been trying to teach Hannah to turn the shower on and off independently. Whilst we aren’t about to run out of water any time soon, we try not to waste it, so spending 5 minutes adjusting the water taps was too much, and I was just doing it. But with school camp coming up next term, I want her to be able to shower (at least once) herself, so the heat is on to teach her.
It’s got me thinking about other independent skills I need to teach the kids. When I was their age I had to make my bed, polish my shoes, set the table (the kids already do this), and help wash up. I’m sure there were other chores too.
In many ways our kids are already very independent. They feed chickens and collect the eggs. They get themselves too and from the bus at the gate each day. They help bring in the wood, and pick vegetables from the garden for dinner. I just need to transfer that farm independence into some of the more domestic settings.
In the short term, I’m sure it would be easier just to keep doing things for them, but if they are going to be independent adults, we need to start now.
What skills do you think children should be taught by their parents? Am I missing anything?
I am in this place too – doing things myself because it is quicker, instead of teaching them skills they are capable of achieving! Thanks for the timely reminder. Turning on / off shower, brushing her own hair, making her own breakfast and sandwiches … all on my list now!
Katie. (visiting from Maxabella's)
I often realise during the school rush I should teach my kids to do this for themselves, but then I forget until next school rush when we are, well, rushing! But yes. I would say I am guilty of doing too much, and needing to step back more.
Ah yeah I don't even want to think about the things I still need to teach them. Miss 3 started singing Twinkle Little Star the other day and I was so proud till I realised I had never once sung it to her. Sigh
I'm so bad at this! No patience whatsoever. They get there eventually??? x
I am with you I want to teach my daughter independence and resilience (which I am not sure how to tech I just hope she can see it in me). Also how to cook, not because she is a girl, but because you always need to eat 🙂 My mother never really taught me to cook, so this is one life skill I want to pass on to my daughter.
It's those days when you're racing out the door that sneak dependence on you. You're dressing them, tying laces, doing up zips, then the next day they don't do it and so you step in, until a week later you're wondering how it all became 'your' job again.
This is a really interesting post. My {little} Big Girl is only 20 months, but is more than able – and keen – to help out in little ways, like fetching her own dinnerware and cutlery, getting her bib, cleaning up little spills. I'm finding that if I take the time to show her how, she is definitely willing to give it a try herself… mood permitting, of course! 😉
start teaching them to do all those things you do for them, cooking, washing etc, every child needs to have the skills to live away from their parents, you will be rewarded with well adjusted useful young Australians
start teaching them to do all those things you do for them, cooking, washing etc, every child needs to have the skills to live away from their parents, you will be rewarded with well adjusted useful young Australians
Jo
Recently found your blog and really enjoying it:) Well I really see the benefits of teaching our children helping and independent skills, actually shared some ideas on 'And then there were four' about how to teach helping skills a while back
http://pilesofwashing.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/guest-post-tips-for-teaching-helping.html
http://pilesofwashing.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/guest-post-tips-for-teaching-helping_19.html
What skills? Keep in mind the big picture, before you know it they will be walking out the door to their own lives (very sad to say I know), you want them leaving equipped with all sorts of skills (sadly many young adults aren't). I'm guessing your children are about 4, 6 & 8? Dressing themselves, cleaning their rooms, making their beds (the younger two will still need help) setting the table, all the ones you are already doing. Just have them working alongside you, they will learn more than you realise.
I relate to the embarrassment about the tie on the shorts, I was pretty humbled the day before my 17year old left home to realise I hadn't taught him to iron. His 11 yr old sister taught him. He can build, frame, roof iron etc but we slipped up on some skills or two.
The shoe lace thing is a good example as we didn't have velcroe when I was a child. Both my kids still have velcroe on their school shoes and one is nearly 10 and one is 7. This is mainly because the laces come undone so often and is a tripping hazard. My son learnt to tie a shoe lace when he started AFL last year and it took him one night to learn and it was done. I used to make them both toast for breakfast when I was making the lunches but they would have to wait until I was out of bed and showered and in the kitchen so I taught them both how to make toast by checking the number on the side is always on 3 with the exception of raisin toast which is on 2 and explaining that the second lot of raisin toast will cook faster than the first because the toaster is already hot. They have both also learnt how to make oats in the microwave for themselves. They also help get their own socks, jocks and undies and pj's out of the clean washing to fold and out away in their drawers. They don't do this all the time as I do it but often I make them do it because as we are all saying you have to teach them life skills from a young age (particularly boys) as you don't want them thinking women will be there to do all of this for them. They have to be able to care for themselves. We also have a Thermomix and they both know how to make things in that with mum on hand. Regards KathyA, Brisbane, Australia
I understand this so much.
I suddenly realised I was expecting miss bridie to make her own lunch, without really teaching her how. Didn't occur to me till she came home to a barely touched sandwich with the minimum scraping of jam on it. That made me feel pretty negligent
As someone who grew up on a farm, I did all those chores your children do – and I suppose I learned the others when I had to. I think it's hard for a child under 6 to tie their laces, I'm waiting to teach my kids that. To me those things aren't important, I prefer life lessons, and from what I read about you, you seem to be giving those to your kids fantastically! Emily
Yes. It occurred to me recently that my 5.5 year old cannot tie shoelaces. I remember learning that before I started school at age 4 and a half (and I struggled with it). Then again, my kids don't really have any shoes with laces…
It is always so much easier to do things for them rather than take the time to teach them isn't it?
Oh my goodness – my (just turned) 10 year old still can't tie shoe laces properly. Time for another lesson I think.
Wendy
Gosh you don't even think about things like this, do you? My son is in school but has velcro shoes so he doesn't have to do up laces, and we cut the string out of his shorts because it was long enough for him to CHEW on it, and he did so all the time! I don't even like buying him shorts with REAL buttons – prefer the clip button ones so that he can undo them quickly when busting for the loo….what age does all this stop!? I recently bought a book to help him learn to tie his shoe laces. I think it's time to actually look at the book! Thanks for the kick up the bum! Even just putting his own socks on, I often do it for him because it's quicker and avoids a meltdown over him not being able to do it himself. Well that's not going to help him! -Aroha (#teamIBOT)
oops, I was saying – we bought that book too Aroha, my soon took the lace out of the book and proceeded to use it as a lasso for pretend play! Still velcro here.
I have been thinking about this a lot myself. My son has a habit of asking me to do something rather than want to learn it for himself. Other things he wont let you go near because he can do it himself. It's hard to know if they are learning from your impatience, or if they are being lazy, or they just want you to show that you love them.
My son is only 4 so I have time to work on this, but I dont want to get into bad habits now.
I fall into this trap too. I think we should teach our children to become independant adults so anything that relates to what they need to know when they leave home I try to teach. From cooking, housekeeping and financial management to tieing your shoe laces, that is our job as parents. A great reminder.