Country Boy is truly in his element on the farm. He has a big garden to fiddle around in. There is loads of space, and not many people. He would happily stay here forever right now.
Toby and Meg also love it down here. Being younger, they don’t really remember much of life in the mountains. They love to go out with Country Boy and ‘help’ around the farm. Having said that, when we visited my family last weekend, Meg was sad to leave her cousins and grandparents, and decided that she wanted to move back.
Hannah is more mixed in her thoughts. She misses the mountains terribly, and wants to go back. Not being a big one for change, she just wants her old life. At the same time she loves the space and freedom she has here, and doesn’t want to get rid of the chickens and pigs.
I am more a mixed up too.
On one hand I love the space down here. I love seeing Country Boy and the kids so happy. I love that we are growing our own food, and that we are living the kind of life we have always wanted.
I know that I am living many peoples dream – they make tv shows about people doing this kind of thing for goodness sake!
But…
The farm has been in the family for over 100 years. What happens if in 10 years time we don’t want to live here anymore. We can’t just sell it really can we?? I feel incredible pressure to make a decision to stay or go, but I can’t make a decision for the rest of our lives right now. The thought of being so far from my family always, is really hard. I feel like if I stay I will end up being trapped here always.
Unlike Country Boy, I need to have friends or family near by. This year I have been quite lonely at times. Thank goodness for facebook which has kept me sane during these periods. But social media is not a substitute for real friends and family. CB ‘s parents are nearby, and I really appreciate their support, but I need some friends of my own. I know that this will take time, but it doesn’t make it any easier right now.
While the kids are young it is an ideal environment for them, but as they get older I want them to have their eyes open and their goals high. I want them to see a big world. I’m not sure that they can see this in such a small town.
We are Christians, and I have always believed that God guides our every move. We have always seen that, when God wants something for us then it happens, and if God does not want something for us, then it will not happen. From the very beginning of this experiment things seemed to just fall into place before us. Now it seems that things are falling into place again. More likely than not we will stay for at least another year. We need have a big family discussion with Country Boy’s parents and siblings about this. I really feel like this is what we are meant to do… but it doesn’t mean that it is what I really want to do.
Maybe it is what you want to do but you just don't know it yet? Who knows? I do think you need more time. And definitely agree that you need your own friends. I know you work a decent distance away – is there any job you could do more locally to meet people?? I think it is easier to make friends when you do something in your own right.
Such a hard decision – I hope things work out for you Jo. I really do.
I know what you are feeling especially about the family and friends. I am a family person they are who is important to me but I constantly make decisions that take me away from them. Like you I rely on social media to get me through but it isn't the same. I live in the middle of nowhere and I keep choosing to stay because I love the lifestyle. Then I met Mr Sparky and so the next move is further North and my biggest fear is the lack of family around and having to make new friends which we all know is hard as it means taking the time to put yourself out there. The life you have would be a dream for me but you have to do what is right for you and your family. I know from moving out here that a year is not enough to become part of the community. I also know from being a small town girl myself that for those who are new to the area it is hard to get in on things but those who want to keep trying and become accepted. I think you may be on the right path of giving it more time however you do need to do what feels right and what you can live with.
I feel for you… it must be hard feeling so torn and so much pressure. We had the opportunity to purchase my familys property which had also been in my family for generations quite a few years back… I decided it wasn't for me and I quite frankly couldn't afford the price tag, but at times I do feel sad that our lovely farm is no longer in the family. You have to do what feels right for you at the time and what you can cope with happily.