True Fashions On The Field/Paddock

When we went to town yesterday, there were pictures in all the stores, showing beautiful women wearing gorgeous clothing, whilst swanning around ‘the farm’. For some reason Autumn is associated with sitting around farms in the fashion industry. I had a bit of a giggle, because knee high boots, long skirts, and chunky knitted cardigans are about as unfarmish (my new word) as possible. They look gorgeous providing you don’t actually want to go anywhere, do anything, or touch anything.

So today I am showing you my fashion guide for those of you who don’t want to be laughed off the farm should they ever visit a real working farm.

This seasons colour scheme is the same as it is every year: A broad range of khakis, browns, and greys. Mix it up with a bit of dark blue if you really want to splash out. These colours will blend beautifully with grass stains, dirt, manure etc. High visibility shirts are entirely optional, but are becoming increasingly popular. Fluorescent yellow has that unique ability to look bad on everybody! Forget white, cream, or other pale colours, because they will not remain that colour for long!

In the foot wear department, boots are the obvious choice – Forget heels, they will just sink straight into the mud. Likewise, don’t bother with lace up boots, the laces will just get dirty, and water will get in when you are wandering down in near the creek.

What you want are elastic sided boots. A triumph of function over style, they are easy to take off so that you don’t tread sheep poo on the carpet inside. Ideally they should be scuffed up, with some form of dried animal manure stuck to it, for that touch of authenticity. Team them with some thick sock so you don’t end up with blisters.

Knitted cardies look gorgeous but are also fairly impractical in the farm. The knit will trap dirt easily, and won’t keep you warm when riding a motorbike to round up stray sheep. The knit will also catch on the long grass when trying to tackle that stray sheep.

Go for a close weave jumper or jacket. Preferably something not seen since the 1970’s for a good reason. That way when it gets trashed you can always get another. Op shops are your friend!

Skirts – Don’t bother with them at all unless you are going to town. Riding a motorbike with a skirt on is neither comfortable nor attractive. Granted, only the sheep are likely to see your undies when you try to hop off, but the thought of thistles and prickles getting up the skirt is making me cross my legs just thinking about it. The farm is not the place to recreate Roman Holiday.

Cargo pants may have gone out of fashion 10 years ago everywhere else, but not here on the farm. The cargo pants don’t rip easily, and all the pockets may make your hips look big, but they can also carry small tools, tape, wire, and anything else small that you might need. Who cares if your thighs look big, it’s how much you can carry that counts.

Here I am ‘modelling’ the farm look for 2012 (and every other year).

Accessories – This year we are looking at broad brimmed hats, as we do every year. Beanies are optional in cold weather, however make sure you keep to the palette of khaki. No one will take you seriously in a multicoloured beanie with a massive pompom on the top (I speak from experience on this point).

Toby and Country Boy ‘model’ the fashion for men and children

Kids fashion follows a similar style to adults, with the notable exception of foot wear. Childrens footwear should ideally be rubber gum boots in a loud, gender specific colour.

Should you need specifics on how to plan your outfit for your next visit to the farm, I am only too happy to provide personalised style advice!