With Christmas only 2 months away, I have a confession to make; my kid’s have never believed in Santa Clause.
For Hannah’s first 2 Christmas’s Santa was a non issue because she was too young to understand what was going on, but as her third Christmas approached, people started asking her “What is Santa bringing you?”. She had no idea about Santa, but I knew that if we were going to do the whole Santa thing we would have introduce it soon.
Growing up my parents taught us that Santa was a nice story, and fun to pretend, but that he wasn’t real. I never really discussed it with other kids and it was never an issue. Mum and Dad bought me presents and to a kid the presents are really more important than who brings them. There was a photo of my sisters and I with Santa one year, but we knew it was just a guy dressed up, and on reflection I am not sure why the photo was taken; perhaps my parents felt that we should have one to be like other kids (just a guess??). None of us feel that we missed out on anything because we didn’t believe in Santa.
The Country Boy did grow up believing in Santa, but remembers feeling devastated when he discovered his parents ‘lied’ to him. He kept pretending to believe for a few more years in order to get more presents. Once he realised he got the same amount no matter what, the “believing” stopped.
Because of our different Santa backgrounds, we discussed whether or not we would introduce Santa and came to the conclusion that we would not.
How we explain Santa to our kids is “Santa is a nice story (based on a true story) associated with Christmas. He isn’t a real man but it can be fun to pretend he is, in the same way fairies are fun to pretend to be. It’s up to each child’s Mum and Dad to decide when to tell them”.
For the first couple of years the lack of Santa was no problem, but as we hit preschool and school, I wanted Hannah (and Meg) to be aware that some kids do believe in Santa. Each year in early November we have a little chat about letting parents decide how and when to tell their kids about Santa. Both kids are really good at not saying anything when a friend talks about Santa. Hannah knows that if she is asked what does she hope Santa will bring, to just answer with what she would like for Christmas. Sometimes she gives me a little secret smile as if we are in part of a ‘grown up’ secret.
I have also let the parents of her close friends know that we don’t “do” Santa, so that should any conversations come up they can help steer them in the right direction.
Not believing in Santa hasn’t in anyway diminished how much we all love Christmas. We love to celebrate Christmas as Jesus’ birthday. We go to carol concerts and drive around looking at Christmas lights. We decorate our house and have a Christmas tree. We still give our kids presents. The kids still have problems getting to sleep and then get up way too early to look at their presents. We sing Christmas songs about Santa and even have Santa decorations on the tree. After all he is a fun part of Christmas, he is just not THE reason for Christmas.
Do your kids believe in Santa? How have you handled some of the more curly questions about him?
Love this post Jo…
Personally, I loved Santa growing up, he was my favourite part of Christmas, but I honestly could say I didn’t care too much if he didn’t bring me presents, or not much. There was just something purely magical about Santa that I can’t even explain. I had vivid and detailed imaginings of him flying through the night’s sky with his sleigh, and reindeers landing on the long strip of lawn next to my parents bedroom. Leaving the carrots, finding the ‘snowy’ footprints in the morning, it was all far more exciting than the gifts under the tree for me. As much as I had a deep love for Santa, I don’t recall being devastated when I found out he wasn’t real? We will be ‘doing Santa’ for Eleanor, and future children. I wouldn’t want to do Christmas any other way. The magic that Santa brought to my own childhood outweighs the ‘lie’ in my eyes, but of course each parent to their own – that’s how we are going to parent our children, and I wouldn’t push that upon any other parent.
Matt’s brother and sister-in-law I don’t think will be doing Santa with their children, for similar reasons to yours (their children are 3 and 18 months so this Christmas might be the first they have to really consider it). Which is fine. But it does throw up the issues of having similar aged children to ours, who will be Santa believers. Thank you for pointing out exactly how this has worked for you, as it’s something I’ve wondered about.
Also, we are a Catholic/Christian family and will be raising our children as such, knowing the Christmas season is about faith, love, joy and hope. They will learn that Christmas is celebrating the birth of Christ and we will celebrate the Christmas story. I don’t think Santa takes away from this, but it does definitely have to be balanced. The virtue of ‘believing’ is an important one for childhood as well I think.
It’s funny. I really have no problem with others teaching their kids to believe in Santa, yet I get lots of questions about why we have made our choice. I can see that the magic of Santa can be fantastic and a wonderful childhood memory. I was talking to Hannah tonight when I popped this post up, and she says that she is happy that she didn’t get brought up to believe in Santa, and she doesn’t feel like she missed out on anything – phew! 🙂
I definitely think you can’t ‘miss out’ on something if you never had it in the first place? Matt’s mum recently said to his sister “oh I’m sorry you never got a sister! Sisters are great.” And Tarsh said she wouldn’t have a clue, she knows no different!
My boys are now in their 20s but we never did Santa when they were younger. Like your kids they still had all the fun and excitement of christmas and presents, but the presents were from us and they knew the real reason why we celebrated Christmas. They knew who Santa was – it couldn't be avoided! But I guess ultimately it came down to the fact that as a Christian I couldn't in all good conscience tell them that Santa was all knowing ( only God is) and lied to them about the whole thing. And like you Bright Precious, i found my opinion was often not respected as it was against the grain – usually by other parents but by teachers as well. But each to their own and their own beliefs and conscience.
It's amazing that Santa can become such a hot topic – so I've discovered too, Jo. As you know we don't do the Santa thing, and I'm very respectful everyone's right to do what they like. But it surprises me that my right to choose not to do Santa is often not respected or understood. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. xx
We don't do Santa either. We use the same approach with our older kids that you use with yours. So far, we haven't had any problems with our kids 'spoiling' it for other children. They understand why we don't do Santa – and they also understand that Jesus is the reason we celebrate. It's good to hear of other like-minded people! (Found you via Digital Parents).
Like you, we haven't done and won't be doing Santa with our daughter. She will be nearly 3 this Christmas, and I think this is the first year she has really understood what's going on.
She has asked questions about Santa and asked me what Santa is bringing her – I really don't know where she has picked that up from as we definitely haven't talked about it with her and she doesn't go to daycare or anything!
Being from a Dutch background, I was always told the story of Sinterklaas (St Nikolaas) on whom the Santa myth is based, and we plan to continue that tradition with our daughter.
We have explained to her that Mama and Papa will be giving her presents, not Santa.
She does know that Christmas is Jesus' birthday, and actually refers to it as that more than she does as Christmas, which warms my heart.
Recently I was doing some Montessori study and the topic was imagination bs fantasy. It got me thinking that I am clear to my children about what is real and not real but I have kept up the Santa facade. So I asked myself why is ok for me to model lying behavior to my children? This year I am taking a different approach and I appreciate your post as it has given me so e ideas. Each to their own of course.
This was so interesting! As a Christmas nut I am very much into Santa but as a spiritual person I am also very proactive in ensuring my kids know all about Jesus and religious accounts of his birth. I am quite sure my kids found out about Santa quite some time ago but I think they play along with it all because they think it is so special to me.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and beliefs. It sounds to me like you are very wise, loving and amazing parents.
Blessings and best wishes,
Natasha.
This is an interesting topic – this year will be my babies first Christmas & at 6 months she will have NO clue what’s going on.
When I was growing up Santa used to bring the stuff that Mum wouldn’t. So Santa brought me a bridle for a horse – Mum wouldn't get me a bridle as I didn't own a horse! This went on until I was *gulp* 12. I remember the Christmas I found out I was devastated. It was a horrid day for everyone, I remember slamming doors & ruining Christmas as I was so upset. But apart from that horrid day, I remember years of anticipation & excitement that Santa would be coming.
I’m not sure what my husband & I will do regarding Santa, he will be involved in Christmas that is for sure, for how long – probably not for 12 years, but he will be involved for a time.
Thank you for giving me a different perspective on the big man in red – I appreciate it & it will give my husband & I something to discuss.
This sounds exactly like the approach we will be taking 🙂 Partly because Santa isn't real and therefore it IS kinda lying to your children! Partly because Christmas is NOT about Santa and presents, but Jesus' birthday. Partly because WE want the credit for all gifts, lol!!
Thanks for the feed back. We were discussing this issue at work, and I hadn't really thought about what would happen if "Santa" couldn't afford many presents. One friend with older children said, she wished she had limited Santa to one present, and then given some more from her. That way in the leaner years, it wouldn't have been so hard to explain to the kids.
I still get presents from Santa so I still believe. Then again I also kinda believe in Toy Story.
I think what you've done is so mature, too mature for my little brain 🙂
xxx
each to their own, you can't force santa on anyone. But it is a tough one for kids at school.
my friend recently told me that her daughter in grade six asked her if santa was not real (because that was the word on the street).
she confessed and said child was ok with it. But there was a stern warning not to ruin it for the younger children.
I love santa, the belief of it, but I can certainly see where you're coming from with this. And yes you are right, kids love presents first and foremost.
We did the Santa thing mostly because it is the 'done' thing, I think if I had my time again I would prefer to do it your way, I know last Christmas we were financially struggling and I had to sit the kids down and tell them there wouldn't be much in the way of Christmas presents that year and my 5 yr old said "don't worry mummy, Santa will bring us stuff so you don't have to" – broke my heart just a little bit. I've changed the focus to 'doing' things for each other rather than actual 'bought' gifts but the Santa thing still comes up, particularly when their friends are getting toys like DSs from Santa…
This is a really interesting post. I never really considered not 'doing' Santa, but I can see where you're coming from and I like the way you've approached it. So far the questions haven't been too curly. But Mr7 is turning 8 this year and it's only a matter of time. For now, though, it's just fun for everyone.