I’ve been thinking about the reality of tree changes lately. Mostly I talk about the good things we’ve been doing, and share the fun bits of our life. The truth is though, what I imagined life would be like down here, is very different to how it actually is. When I read back over the early posts of my blog I often have a laugh at how idealistic they were. Lots of talk about time together, romantic notions about being part of a community, and so forth.
Don’t get me wrong, there are so many good things about moving to the country, and I am so grateful for the opportunity. I don’t take what we have for granted. Not one tiny bit. Today however, I want to tell the truth about some of the things I find hard about country life.
The first thing you need to know is that the novelty has worn off! During our first year here everything was new and exciting. It was exhausting, but the excitement carried me through. During the second year, I felt more at home (but still not a local), and some of the novelty had worn off, but by the third year, the novelty has definitely gone. This is just my life now. The excitement of growing too many cucumbers the first year, has turned into ‘what the heck am I going to do with that many cucumbers again??’
Living in a small community, particularly as a teacher, I feel that I am in the spotlight a lot. When I go to the supermarket, I run into students and their parents, all who know who I am. My kids are watched at to see how they behave, and the parents often want to ask me questions about what I am cooking with their kid etc. After teaching in the city, where I rarely ran into a student, I find the blur between my personal life and professional life hard, and I definitely feel some pressure.
Also because my husband grew up here, and his parents live here, a lot of people know who I am, and start talking to me as though I know them, though in reality I haven’t got a clue who they are. I’m slowly putting together names and faces etc. Just last week while I was getting petrol some one asked me how my parents in laws were getting on, and how my work was going, and I still haven’t a clue who they were.
Something I have had to get used to is the amount of planning that it takes to get things we need or want. The town where I teach is tiny, so anything more than basic groceries means a trip somewhere. Even the bigger towns don’t always have what I’m looking for. I find it so frustrating when I’m in the middle of a project and don’t have something I need. Although you can buy things like fabric on line, it’s hard to tell what they really look like so I often have to cross my fingers and hope that it is OK. I never really comprehended how inconvenient life is when you’re not close to shops and services. Double that when you think that I teach Food and Textiles – the time I spend finding the bits and pieces I need for my classes is incredible!
One thing I people say to me all the time is how lucky we are to have all that space. Yes I know we are lucky, but boy does it take a lot of time to maintain. CB spends hours everyday keeping the garden and the farm going. Whether it is five acres or five hundred acres (or five thousand) the land still need to be kept in good order. This means digging thistles, keeping the grass down (with animals, or mowing), checking the fence and dams. All this takes time, and the more land, the more work and time it takes. Because we live right in the middle of it, there is always more work. In the summer months CB generally heads back out after dinner to get some work done while I wrangle, threaten, and cajole the kids into bed. Before we moved here, I imagined our life would be similar to our 9-5 work day lifestyle in the city. I had no idea about the amount of time that a farm takes.
Drought and the vagaries of the weather add to the pressure of life here. We’ve had not enough rain for two years now, and for many farmers the pressure is on. Even though we are lucky that I have a job that isn’t dependent on rain, the whole community is starting to feel the strain. Businesses in town are commenting that there are fewer people spending money. It’s hard to get used to not being in control.
This isn’t meant to be a ‘downer’ post. There are so many good things about living in the country. I love our produce. I love the environment. I know we are fortunate. But I find it so frustrating when I get told that I’m living peoples dream. It’s like I’m not allowed to acknowledge the hard parts, or the bits I struggle with, because I have to be ‘living the dream’. The problem with all dreams, is that they are not based in reality.
Do you dream of moving to the country? Have you considered the downside of tree changing? I would love to know what you think!
Hi Jo, I hope you are doing okay. So many things I relate to here.I grew up in the city and married a country boy. However, we lived in town as he was working his backside off to earn money to buy a farm. After 10 years, we sort of gave up, and just settled for working on a property and purchased 300 acres, off which a living cannot be made. We are now 30 mins from town where I work 3 days and the kids can catch the bus to school the other days. I sometimes find it overwhelming but know I am very lucky as our town does have a major supermarket which makes all the difference, no doubt there will be people reading who are hours from such a luxury! I love it out here but know that when we finally build on the 300 acres which are only 15mins from town I will love that too. Time for me to stop procrastinating and do some study for my Masters. Yuk! Best wishes for the end of term and that the holidays (and rain) come quickly 🙂 Emma
Great post. It's good to hear both sides. And I think no matter where we live it's can be good to take stock of what we love and don't xx
I have often dreamed of moving to a remote coastal rural property but as is usually the way with daydreams, I never really thought through the details like not having access to shops where I can get whatever I need xx
We used to visit CB's parents before we moved here, and so I had a little bit of an idea about some of the issues, but dealing with them for a couple of weeks is sooo different to being here always. Life is very good, but it is nothing like what I thought it would be, and there are so many things which are a bit hard to deal with too.
There's definitely positives and negatives for all situations but there is a also massive difference between living in the country but on a block within easy reach of the local Town as opposed to living and working on a huge farming property and having to deal with weather and isolation and lots of hard hard work etc. It does annoy me too when I see blogs where they seem to be portraying the epitome of country life in their Hunter boots, 3 chickens and a thriving pumpkin patch when I know their home is on 1/4 acre block and they work in the city everyday. I get the "you are living the dream" thing occasionally but I think that is because we live in a lovely location. I am quick to tell people the reality is that everything is a drive in the car, the kids don't get to play with friends after school like I did growing up in the suburbs and maintaining our (relatively small) block is hard work. Our farm is not a working farm but we do have plans to turn it into our jobs, there's no doubt it will be hard work. When we moved to Sydney for 18 months the only thing I was getting excited about was that there would be a tiny patch of grass in the backyard and how easy it would be to maintain but within 30 seconds we were missing the space and privacy we had down here……I think at some point you just have to make a commitment to a place which suits you the most, knowing that every place has it's positives and negatives….Mel x
I think you are right, when you say you have to commit to some where and take the good with the bad. It just got me a bit fired up, when people kept telling me I was living their dream, when they haven't much idea about the realities. Not everyone is cut out for this kind of life.
I took the easy route with tree changing. I grew up in the country, and chose Byron Bay as my first 'tree change' beach change after years of city. Easy because it is such a transient town the community is really welcoming and open up front – it's easy to find community there. Work opportunities demanded a move up the road from Byron to a town where it is less open. 5 years in and we still only have a handful of friends. It hasn't really worked out the way we wanted, and so we are now seriously considering Mildura for something completely different. The problem with any move I think is that the time it takes you to get to know whether you really like a place (after the novelty wears off) is the time it takes to make firm friends…and so if you work out you don't like the place, and decide to leave, you've only just really found your feet with a social circle. And then, the older you get, the harder it gets to make new friends. Rolls eyes. Catch 22 really, this tree change business.
Jo – I really love this post. I agree wholeheartedly about the difficulties of living on a working farm. Every second blog/magazine at the moment has photos of tree changes and people moving to an "acreage". (The phrase makes me giggle.) I am the first to say that there are so many positives about living on a farm but there are also so many negatives. I think it is easy when looking at photos of a wife/mother heading off in her gumboots to a designer chook shed to forget just how much work is involved….
If it helps, things do get easier as your children get older and you stay longer. I don't even think about what others say/think about me in our country town anymore. I decided if they were gossiping about me then that was giving someone else a break! The flip side of the gossip is the fact that people genuinely do care about your family and their welfare and if thing go wrong (I had a period of fairly serious illness some time ago) the offers of help are amazing.
Having my kids at fulltime school has helped too. I can vividly remember being in a farmhouse with two sick preschoolers 40km from the nearest anything for days and days on end whilst my husband worked from 6 am til midnight. It was my reality on and off for years. Lonely and just hard, hard work.
And I won't say much on the weather. I have spent long enough here that I know that feeling of scanning the clouds and getting up at 2 am to look at the radar to see where the rain is (or isn't, often enough)
Overall it is worth it – however like all good things in life it comes at a cost.
Best of luck to you and your family.
xxxxx
I think you have hit the nail on the head with regard to small town life. When you are a teacher in a rural community you are "on call" all the time. At the shops, at sporting events and socially too. People have much more connection because small schools are like that.
And not being able to buy things is annoying. I really don't enjoy going to the shops as I feel that I am rushed and I have to get everything on the list in the one day. No time to browse and compare!
Yes, drought is crap. But it will rain soon! (hoping).
Sometimes when we go to the city for a visit I think just how easy it would be to just live in a small apartment where you can access anything and walk everywhere. I think I could slot in so easily, but then I do get sick of the rushing, the crowds and when we come home I am relieved that we live on a farm where you only hear birds and cattle. xx
Great post!!!
I'm one of the guilty ones as I struggle with the busy city life and try to grow a few vegies in my back garden. My kids are young teenagers and we are settled in suburbs with mum and dad up the road but I do look at your young children and the space and fresh produce and think you are living the dream.
Thanks for the honesty. We lived in a small village in the early days of our marriage and my husband struggled with everyone knowing his business, what we were up to etc so I totally get what you mean about the students etc.
And I'd never really stopped and thought about the weather and the drought till your great post on "the D word".
I'm glad you wrote that post – thanks for sharing. I too am tired and struggling with my city life and some days it all seems too hard and then others, after a cuppa with Mum and Dad, or when my daughter walks up and borrows an egg, I think, we couldn't leave here and so I plod along with my smaller back garden and my few vegies. xx
Thanks for the feedback…. and there's nothing wrong with wanting to move to the country – it's a great life, it's just good to have some realism in there!
I'm glad you can vent, Pickled Cucumbers maybe? Rae xxx
Good idea – we have about 30 bottles already!